They Live (1988) Starring Rowdy Roddy Piper as Nada

THEY LIVE

     If you can get past Roddy Piper's voice, this is a must see.  They Live is easily one of the most important movies in history.  An astonishing political drama based on true events, this film features the Hot Rod as a hard working man already at the end of his rope who promptly rages against the machine of the establishment when his eyes are opened (almost literally)  to the true and extensive corruption of the ruling class. 

    Rowdy Roddy Piper's character isn't even identified or introduced by name until the final credits proclaim him simply as "Nada", the Spanish word for nothing.  That dude is mysterious.

     This film boasts one of the things I like best about movies with wrestlers in them; a long fight scene in which wrestling moves are used in a street fight.  If you think that sounds silly, wait till you eat a pile driver onto blacktop only to receive a little bit of elbow drop while you're still lying there from your devastating spinal injury.

     They live also features a hodge podge of cool looking 80s guns that you don't even see in movies anymore.  I dare say that the arsenal in this rivals the set up in Big Trouble In Little China.  And the one liners; oh the one liners!  I mean.....you know what, you just need to buy this on Bluray right now.  I'll set up the link and that's that.
https://www.google.com/shopping/product/17181897622957028440?q=they+live+blu+ray&espv=210&es_sm=93&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.55123115,d.aWc,pv.xjs.s.en_US.Ag3CcnQBszM.O&biw=1280&bih=666&tch=1&ech=1&psi=LS1rUreXFqGYyAHpv4GoBg.1382755644776.3&sa=X&ei=MC1rUvelE4bkyQHdzYH4Ag&ved=0CFYQ8wIwAA      There....just buy that thing right there and settle in for the revolution.  If you see sunglasses lying around anywhere, put those bitches on your face.

EPIC DIALOGUE: 

                       Roddy Piper:  I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum.

Me As I Watch This:  Ohhh maaaannn!! Did you get goosebumps when he said that!?

The Marine (2006) Starring John Cena as John Triton

     The Marine....yeah so...I finally watched most of that one.  I've been trying to get through that cinematic turd for weeks.  

      The bad guy from Terminator 2 reprises his role as an emotionless killer and sociopath; big stretch for that guy.  He and his gang of no name actors have John Cena's wife for some reason and John keeps chasing them around some rural area of what I assume to be Florida maybe.  Every ten minutes or so, in spite of whatever weird obstacle arises Cena catches up to them and has to fight one for five minutes while the rest of the gang gets away again.  There is the constant distraction of cops coming along that just refuse to listen to John Cena at all when he calls them for help but it never turns into any sort of relevant plot point. 

      So, Cena like kills his way up the chain of command, yada yada yada, kills T2 (whoops I spoiled it) and saves his wife from certain death even though they could have probably just killed her at the beginning of the movie.  Oh, and at some point, John Cena is a marine but he apparently isn't anymore.  I don't know, I may try to watch this again.

     I like John Cena, even if he does look and really kind of act like a ten year old boy who got his wish to be big granted at the county fair and has used it to live out all his very ten year old desires...but this movie it's just awful. It pains me to say it. It really does, but it is.

     He tried to warn me. "You can't see me." He said.  He even waved his hand dramatically in front of his face to emphasize that I should cover my eyes if ever I were to come across The Marine, but I didn't listen.  Sorry John Cena.  I am so sorry.

EPIC DIALOGUE:  

 Director John Bonito just before handing John Cena the script of The Marine: I love you.

John Cena: What?

Bonito: Um nothing, nothing.  Do you want to be in another movie about you that I'm making?

John Cena:  (Sigh) Yes John.

(At this point in the film I don't even know what the fuck was going on.)

The Condemned (2007) Starring Stone Cold Steve Austin as Jack Conrad

      Booyah!!  The Condemned! Make no mistake, that Stone Cold Steve Austin is a bad motherfucker. Totally proving himself as a perfectly viable action star in this classic tale of prisoners from around the world, given one last chance at freedom if they are willing and able to go the distance against their peers, each handpicked for their brutality and blood lust, to be the last man standing on some crazy island somewhere.
       The old Texas Rattlesnake plays the death row inmate and bad ass killer with the heart of gold and the secret past.  A rivalry with the dude that played Bullet Tooth in Lock Stock flourishes into a personal vendetta, of course, leaving a trail of bodies and collateral damage in its wake.  Its an old and constantly rehashed plot, sure.  I don't care.  I've watched hundreds of these, and I'll keep watching them.  And when my time inevitably comes to bow hunt my nemesis through the woods on some island someday so that I can make it back to my beautiful wife while the bittersweet lyrics of some forgotten 90s rock band fill the air, I'm gonna be ready for that shit...and that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold Said So!

EPIC DIALOGUE   BAD GUY:  What were you doing in El Salvador?
                                 
                                   STONE COLD:  Working on my tan.

                                   BAD GUY:  Why did you blow the building up?

                                    STONE COLD:  It was blocking my sun.

(Oh ho ho! CLASSIC!)

No we can't be buddies,

My head is bloody....boom! Condemned!